Obama Took On a Level Five Lifeguard Position with Kiddie Pool Experience

gg-lifeguard-standLet’s just say you are a first season lifeguard who just got their certification, and your maiden assignment is to stand on the side of a kiddie pool for a season…would that experience be enough preparation to do ocean rescue? Would it be wise to fancy yourself a Level 5 Lifeguard and climb up onto the perch the following season at an oceanfront beach? Your sunglasses are in place, you have a perfectly slathered triangle of Noxzema on your nose and you look stunning in your Speedo. However, the ocean is a rough place, the waves are crashing, the undertow is out of control and you have no CPR training. You have no current Standard First Aid and Personal Safety training or even a First Responder Certificate, but you sure can dog paddle!

You’ve made lots of friends who believe in you and energetically encourage you to live your dream. So, feeling good about yourself, totally confident you’re prepared for the job you scale your roost with full, bold confidence, convinced and assured that you’re more than aptly prepared and surely the best man for the job.

Once there, when the people who depend on you for  safety have a crisis and find themselves drowning beneath the crashing waves, what do you do? Toot on your whistle and toss them a blow-up Barney tube? When you realize that you are responsible for powerless people waving to you from the ocean — going under, once, twice, three times, what happens when you realize you don’t know where to find the lifeline ropes and you have no clue where the poles are to attach those ropes to, what are your options?

Time is running out and the helpless are swallowing large quantities of salt water while you are busy running back and forth in the sand looking for the landlines. Do you get gripped with fear yourself when you realize you don’t know how to row a dory or “officially” use a rescue board?

What happens when you realize you’re not a guest star on Baywatch and this is for real, you have to quickly find a way to rescue dying submerged swimmers? What will you say to those, who make it out alive? How will you explain yourself to those who depended on you for protection and believed you belonged in the supercilious position you placed yourself in?

These are all great questions for Barack Obama to contemplate, while  the nation drowns on his watch.  For the rest of us, it high time we answered the obvious question. Wouldn’t it have been better for everyone if Barry did a few more seasons overseeing the wading pool before placing him in the position of head lifeguard?


  1. pilgrimskeyboard

    The supposed life-guard could just blame the ocean for being there. After all the life-guard did not create such a mess. All of that water was there when the life-guard arrived. Therefore the life saving life-guard will not, nor should be, responsible for all of that water mess you find yourself in. Solution just tread water as long as you can for the plug has been pulled and it is now draining. Oh by the way the life-guard association says that one is limited to only treading in 500 gallons of water. If you want our help you must submit to our rules. Nos shere is that lifeline rope?


  2. Bruce

    The issue is not the water…lifeguards don’t blame the ocean…they wouldn’t have a job without it.

    The issue is the lifeguard who thought he was up to the job and isn’t. The kiddie pool lifeguard waved off the spectaors on the sand and the more qualified professionals. They stepped aside to give the rookie a chance to prove himself. He ran to the ocean while the spectators cheered for the kiddie pool captain….having no clue he didn’t know what the heck he was diving into…he was so persuasive as he was the first to jump off the lifeguard stand shouting “don’t worry guys, I got it.” I think that’s what he was saying as he went under the water!

    The only hope we have is that those that are drowning can be rescued by more qualified lifeguards in the not too distant future…hopefully before a sewer line break empties into the ocean….

    As far as the 500 gallon limit…Bruce, people can drown in two inches of water…

  3. pilgrimskeyboard

    Thank you Laura for the reply.
    I guess my assumption (which was probably my first mistake) concerning your post was that you were pointing out that we now have one who has obtained a postion w/no expereince. Which was my point with the water being the problem. When one has all the confidence in the world that they are the best to handle the problem(s) confronting them even though they do not have a clue as to what to do – usually the first reaction is to blame the problem. This despite the fact the problem is why they are there.

    Also, you are absolutely right that it takes a small amount of water to drown in. Yet often when one – such as the kiddie pool captian – is cheered on or advised by those with more expereince, if that experience is of no redeemable value, then all that the qualified professionals will do is point out to the captain, go out as far as you can, as fast as you can, and save as many as you can, at whatever price it costs. For in the end the advising professionals do not care about the kiddie pool captain but only of their own shallow necks as they cheer on from the beach.

    After today’s dealings in DC – most like the sewer line is already broken beyond repair and is spewing out hundreds of billions of gallaons of sewage which will contaminate the water for a long time – maybe so long it will be impossible to fully clean up.


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