The Truth About Bag O’ Bones Barack

Originally posted at American Thinker. blog

It used to be that the only distinguishing physical feature belonging to Barack Obama the public could monitor was whether the President’s telltale grays seemed toned down on Monday morning, whether Sunday might be “Just for Men®” touchup night in the White House private residence.

Now the American public has another physical measure to mull over, and that is whether or not Obama’s famous swimsuit six-pack has turned into an emaciated non-pack.  From the looks of things, it appears as if Barack Obama is turning into Barack O’ Bones, which is causing some concern that the weight of the Presidency may be taking its toll on the President’s health.

Pictured recently on the campaign trail in the Sunshine State, rather than his usual hale and hearty self, Obama appeared to be “extremely tired and frail.”

However, before terror strikes at the heart of the Obamanation, Americans should realize that the reason for such a drastic change in the President’s appearance could indicate many things, all of which are likely benign and none of which should be cause for concern.

Everyone knows that on a good day Barack has been known to scarf down a chili dog or two, throw back a frosty beer and, for diplomatic purposes, discuss missile defense with Russian presidents at Ray’s Hell Burger.  Obama slimming down may indicate that the “powerhouse” maven of “Let’s Move,” Michelle Obama, may have finally addressed those destructive habits and decided to clamp down on the President’s Epicurean curricular activities.

In the first lady’s defense, it wouldn’t bode well for the cause of fighting childhood obesity if on occasion the woman at the helm of a federal-level healthy-eating initiative had to explain to America why her husband, the President of the United States, has guacamole on his tie.

Teased in the past by Arnold Schwarzenegger for having skinny legs and “scrawny little arms,” it could also be that lately the lady with the great biceps has wrestled the Chicago deep dish pizza from Obama’s skinny slippery fingers, all of which are not to be confused with the sticky socialist fingers America’s first lady approves of.

Nevertheless, if a Michelle Obama intervention were the culprit in this situation, it would thereby indicate that the marked change in the President’s girth might simply be due to her switching out Barack’s handmade chocolates for a steamy pile of asparagus.

Not for nothing, but Michelle’s recent appearance on The Biggest Loser may actually have a subconscious connection to the guy she lives with having to make more holes in his belt than Bill Clinton’s has notches.

But let’s not forget, the President also burns off calories dribbling on the basketball court, which is a slimming activity in itself.  And while there’s no official measure of how many calories the act of redistributing wealth can efficiently burn off, based on Barack Obama’s commitment to that form of exercise, wealth redistribution has got to also bear responsibility for the loss of at least some of the President’s poundage.

In addition, besides burning up a ton of expensive jet fuel, the word is out that constant campaigning is also great for melting adipose tissue. Come to think of it, Obama being as ‘thin as a rail’ may be directly related to his expending energy by constantly participating in the literal act of ‘railing.’ Barack Obama railing on and on about the Republicans could be responsible for magically transforming the Perpetual Campaigner’s already slender frame from the buff Adonis that once graced the beaches of Hawaii into the scrawny guy with the hollow cheek bones we see today.

Another possibility is that the President has decided to live out the kind of sharing he preaches.  Perhaps Obama, who recently turned 50, is proving a symbolic point by purposely consuming only 50% of what he used to as a statement to gluttonous Americans that, whether it’s food or money, 50% is always more than enough.

Then again, puny frame aside, Barack seems tougher than ever.  At this year’s White House annual Easter egg roll, Barry O’Bomber hit the recycled rubber basketball court and demonstrated his physical prowess for the awestruck Harlem Globetrotters as he playfully impersonated the late Jack Palance doing one-armed pushups at the 64th Academy Awards.

Taking all things into consideration, and leaving aside the possibility that Obama is attempting to influence political change by mimicking a Gandhi-like lifestyle, there’s probably no reason to be concerned about the President’s noticeable weight loss.  Barack’s willowy frame is probably the result of a fine-tuned synergy between Michelle-inspired healthy food choices, golf, chasing around Barack Obama-emblazoned basketballs all day, and working up a sweat reallocating everybody’s wealth.

Combine all those factors with the fat-burning effects of the President losing his cool while railing on against the Republicans, rolling Easter eggs around on the South Lawn, and looking for ways to figuratively “roll” rich people, not to mention the possibility of self-inflicted “share the wealth” portion control, and it all seems to explain why the incredible shrinking Barack Obama now resembles a 6′ 1″ presidential bag o’ bones.


  1. Крупный учебный и научно-исследовательский центр Республики Беларусь. Высшее образование в сфере гуманитарных и естественных наук на 12 факультетах по 35 специальностям первой ступени образования и 22 специальностям второй, 69 специализациям.

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