Michelle Obama’s Olympic Escapade

Originally posted at American Thinker. Blog

When Michelle Obama jetted off to Britain to instruct the US Olympic Team on what they need to do to come home with the gold, it became apparent that America’s first lady had found a way to party hearty, regardless of the pledge to forgo her annual Martha’s Vineyard vacation.

Call me cynical, but just because Michelle Obama has well-cut biceps from doing 15-lb curls in the White House gym, trounced Ellen DeGeneres in a push-up contest, and kicked Jimmy Fallon’s butt in a potato-sack race, that doesn’t exactly qualify her to dole out pointers to seasoned Olympic athletes.  But, then again, this is a woman who appointed herself Healthy Eating Czar while pretty much eating anything she damned well pleases.

For example, just prior to the Olympic opening ceremony at a reception held at Buckingham Palace, as “the Queen [of England] gave a welcoming speech” in front of 200 guests and dignitaries from all over the world, healthy eater Michelle enthusiastically wolfed down “Quail’s egg canapés.”

Meanwhile, back home Barack was concocting class warfare strategies while across the pond, resplendent in a $6,800 embroidered top and white pleated skirt from the J. Mendel 2013 collection, the first lady mingled with of 95 heads of state, including her “flexible” husband Barack’s best Russian friend, Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev.

Not to be rude, but just in case Michelle Obama exuberantly identified herself in a way similar to her husband, Mongolian president Tsakhiagiin Elbegdor chose to mill around Kate Middleton, who on more than one occasion has exhibited the decorum to refrain from waving at the camera when participating in a group photowith world leaders.

Prior to the Queen’s reception at an east London breakfast event attended by some members of Team USA, Michelle got the opportunity to give athletes a pep talk. Dressed in patriotic haute couture, just like her husband Michelle managed to tie lifetime commitment to the Olympic dream directly to herself, her father’s multiple sclerosis, her brother Craig, and growing up in a “little house” on the South Side of Chicago.

Perhaps the first lady found time to stress to the athletes that London is not Copenhagen, winning the gold is quite different from snagging an undeserved Nobel Peace Prize, and that to emerge triumphant in the 400-meter freestyle, one actually has to spend time in a swimming pool.

Some of Michelle’s other Olympic activities included being hoisted over-the-threshold-style by female wrestler Elena Pirozhkova and jogging into Regent’s Park to the rousing ovation of cheerleaders accompanied by the University of Florida marching band.

Michelle rallied the Olympians, rubbed elbows with Samantha and David Cameron, sized up the Duchess of Cambridge’s ice blue Christopher Kane coatdress and grey suede McQueen clutch, sat ringside in the VIP section of Olympic stadium with Angelia Jolie and Brad Pitt, and bubbled over with energetic effervescence everywhere she went.

Then, dressed in white Capri pants and glittery silver shoes that closely resembled those famous food bank-worthy $540 Lanvin sneakers, Michelle, together with David Beckham, demonstrated healthy sports moves at an outdoor “Let’s Move” event in Regent’s Park.

Based on the “other worldly” buzz, the first lady high-fiving soccer star David Beckham at the pre-Olympic event was the absolute highlight of her weekend. Reports claimed that the dynamic duo’s “chemistry was undeniable.”

Let’s face it — if given the choice between body surfing with Barack in Martha’s Vineyard and kicking balls around with Beckham, when it comes to sacrificing a summer vacation, David Beckham is one helluva a consolation prize.

Besides, ever since the soccer star sent President Obama 50 pairs of “tight fitting boxers from his underwear line” Beckham and Michelle have been bonded in a very special way. A White House source confessed that “David promised to send a box of his undies to the President – and Michelle has insisted that her husband wear them!”

Quite frankly, Michelle dictating to Barry that he wear Beckham underwear is a bit creepy. Barack Obama should thank his lucky stars that Michelle isn’t a fan of Prime Minister of Kyrgyzstan Omurbek Babanov who, at the Queen’s reception, demonstrated his fondness for ostentatious ethnic millinery.

Nonetheless, Mr. Beckham and Mrs. O were allegedly so besotted with each other that David couldn’t refrain from “showing off his more humble roots, as he flashed a glimpse of the tattoos, which snake all the way down his arm and protrude from the edge of his sleeve.” In between hugging and showing off body art, it’s amazing that the soccer star and the sartorial world traveler actually found time to attend to SpongeBob Squarepants, US military families, tennis, soccer, and tug-of-war.

And not to be a gossipmonger or anything, but while all this flirting was going on, where the hell was Victoria Beckham, aka “Posh Spice?” Then again, it is kind of hard to defend your man with defensive soccer moves or win back your husband’s attention in a tug-of-war while wearing sky-high, heel-less boots.

All in all, besides expert-at-everything Michelle not having the time to give Sir Paul McCartney piano pointers before his midnight Olympic performance, the only thing missing from the first lady’s Olympic non-vacation festivities was boarding the royal row barge Gloriana to personally escort the Olympic flame, queen-style, up the River Thames to Olympic stadium.

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