Heads up! Obamacare ‘Clarification’ Keeps on Coming

Originally posted at Clash Daily

Dollars to donuts, Florida + library = senior citizens, which is why being prematurely gray makes Sebelius so approachable for certain age groups. That’s good, because the chief Obamacare spokes-falsifier, Kathleen Sebelius, matter-of-factly surprised a group of local residents at a Miami library with the news that “There are some individuals who may be looking at increases” in health insurance premiums.

Standing in the shadow of the stacks, the HHS secretary clarified for the timeworn that you “cannot make a statement based on cost unless you compare what they had to what they’re going into.”

Sebelius, bearer of good tidings and more bombshells, popped in on the Sunshine State to badger shell-shocked residents to enroll on the website that isn’t working. In addition, she informed a group that probably hasn’t even fully mastered the computer mouse that if they manage to live long enough to get enrolled, they shouldn’t be surprised if, despite their fixed incomes, they end up paying higher premiums.

In other words, henceforth, the advocates of freedom of choice will be doing the choosing, and if that choice happens to cost more than Americans are able to afford, then pipe down, Pops, and buck-up, Grams, because you’re either going to pay the fine or prepare to deal with a nasty squad of IRS goons.

Hey, stop complaining! Costs will be higher for some because the government is mandating coverage for things that retirement home residents aren’t aware they need.

Barack Obama is hoping to facilitate scenarios like the one where a randy 96-year-old named Ramajit Raghav of Delhi, India, when not working the fields, found the energy to sire a son with his 52-year-old fertile wife, Shakuntala Devi.

Ramajit and Shakuntala prove that although Gramps and Granny may not realize it, by universally folding maternity leave into their health insurance policy Barack Obama and Kathleen Sebelius have the best interests of older Americans at heart. In fact, it would be a great promotional gimmick if the president could recruit Ramajit to accompany him on his next “Shove Obamacare Down America’s Throat” tour.

For those who want to exercise their reproductive rights, if, down the road, Ruth and Melvin decide that an unplanned pregnancy would cut into Mahjong tournaments and country line dancing at the community center, it’s comforting to know that abortion-on-demand coverage is included in Obamacare for everyone.

Either way, from Miami to Mukwonago, grateful people of all ages are slowly acknowledging that gross personal incompetence is what prevents Americans from governing their own lives, and in turn are becoming more appreciative by the day that the Obama administration is anxious and willing to accept the responsibility for making every life-and-death decision for us.

Take for instance the Obama administration’s FORWARD-looking plan to advance the common good by canceling perfectly adequate, affordable individual health insurance plans. How about government central displaying how much they care by removing trusted family doctors from the list of available healthcare providers? And let’s not forget fostering fairness by making world-renowned cancer and research hospitals off-limits to those whose lives depend on them.

And to help the president advance this superb agenda, everyone, including Americans on fixed incomes, will have to pay more, and should be happy to do it!

Next on the itinerary, hopefully Kathleen Sebelius will clear up the misunderstanding about Obama’s pledge that the elderly, chronically ill and those with preexisting conditions would be covered for healthcare, because that’s not really what he meant at all. The smiling HHS secretary can drop in on hospitals and retirement communities and help ease anxieties by calmly clarifying that what the president meant to say was that Obamacare will permanently alleviate suffering and then subsequently cover burial costs.