The Benjamin Button Bailout

If you think about it, aren’t you just fed up with children in general? I’ve spent a large portion of my life working to take care of my kids and I’m down right sick of it. Now I have an eleven year old grandson and he’s just like his mother was, all he wants to do is eat and play while his parents and grandparents do nothing but take care of him. We work hard to assure his well-being, education, safety and future and he does nothing to pull his own weight. “Change” is what is needed to turn this situation around.

Think about it–all the years of seeing babies being hauled around in car seats, pushed in strollers, hand fed and coddled–it’s just not “fair”. The unappreciative attitude children have goes on for years too, playing endlessly in playgrounds, care-free roller–blading around in beautiful parks, riding their bicycles with the wind in their face, fun birthday parties, lollipops, balloons, school and sports all with a cheery, happy attitude and quite frankly I’m sick of them all! Continual trips to Disneyland, Toys R Us and McDonalds without ever chipping in, and for what? To give a bunch of ungrateful little brats what they want? Well I think it’s about time these youthful leeches learned it’s not all about them.

I’m ecstatic that Washington DC finally has a group governing, which has the insightful wisdom to shift the responsibility in the direction of an irresponsible brood and they’ve done it in a wonderful, modern Benjamin Button sort of way. The “stimulus” plan they are proposing will insidiously insure that the younger child, the more the liability and the longer they’ll have to haul around a huge monetary burden, in the process giving us older folks some long deserved relief. As they roll around in their bassinet groping for their pacifiers, it’s nice to know that the more infantile they are the greater the weight they’ll have to take on. The younger and more youthful the age the more heavily encumbered with debt they will be. Like Benjamin Button, a baby on the outside, but unbeknownst to themselves loaded down with a world of worry, concern and endless pressure, a debt mobile over their cribs spinning around at dizzying speed. They might not realize it now, as they go about their self-centered business of learning to crawl and sticking their fingers into their belly buttons, but in due time these little blood suckers will find out what its’ like to pull their own weight, to kick in and to pay up!

What could be better than teaching the very people who need a hard life lesson what it feels like to have to take care of ungrateful, selfish, self-absorbed people? I think the President, Congress and the Senate are all brilliant! They are “killing two birds with one stone” and giving our children a message, which I think anyone who has children of their own, would agree is long overdue. It’s a valuable pattern that can be passed down to our children’s children and maybe even their children’s, children, which gives this opportunity for instruction a power, which can endure for decades.

While they are out there running lighthearted in the streets, it gives me immense satisfaction to know that they really aren’t “free”, even if they haven’t realized it yet. I hope I live long enough to see the look on their faces when the hard truth hits them. Even if they are too immature to know it now there will come a day when that blithe smile they all wear is wiped off their faces and as they grow the sweet revenge for all of us is that the happy-go-lucky, untroubled outlook they all freely enjoy right now, will be drained from their lives like a bucket with a hole in it trying to fill with water.

They need to find out what it feels like to have to have an endless mound of debt in front of them brought on them by others who are ultimately responsible for it. They should be required to work day and night for their entire lives to pay for a debt they had no part in incurring. It’s our turn to live on the dole. We shouldn’t have to worry about the future we should be able to slough it off on them. I mean with all the soccer they’ve played and all the driving to practices we’ve done, they should at least have learned how to be team players. It will do them good, build in character. We want them too to have a chance to prove their patriotism, get with the program and “step up to the plate!”

So what if we’ve spent 1 trillion dollars already to bailout the banks. Who cares if we’re being pitched a 1 trillion dollar stimulus package that will do nothing to stimulate the economy? I can guarantee that in due time our new Treasury Secretary Timothy Geitner, true to his past history, will have to back track and realize he will probably have to ask for another trillion or so. Why should we care, it won’t be our problem…it will be a prime-time progeny problem, “The Federal Reserve, Treasury Department and Federal Deposit Insurance Corporation have lent or spent almost $3 trillion over the past two years and pledged up to $5.7 trillion more. The Senate is to vote this week on an economic-stimulus measure of at least $780 billion. It would need to be reconciled with an $819 billion plan the House approved last month.”

What could be better than acting like children ourselves and not worrying our little heads about it now? There is a lot to be said for letting the “chips fall where they may” many of us have done it by buying houses we couldn’t afford. Who better to carry the weight of “bailing us out” than children who have sucked the life out of us and now have an opportunity to make up for every expense that they’ve caused us. All we have to do is make sure the National Endowment of the Arts has their 50 million to fund Albert Kahle’s giant macramé penis exhibition. We should just continue to go about our business, throw caution to the wind, eventually die and leave the little rug rats the bill to worry about.

So what if “The United States looks to issue between $3.5 and $4 trillion of government debt over the next two years, possibly more, thanks to deficit spending under current policy, the stimulus bill, and the financing of TARP II. To put this in context, the total publicly held debt today is about $6.4 trillion, so we’re talking about increasing the outstanding debt by more than half in just two years.” Part of the plan is to save us from our mistakes by running up a debt so large that there is no other choice but to have our children and grandchildren be saddled with the bill…accomplishing the desired goal of teaching these generational ingrates a lesson.

It will probably work itself out anyway because, the stimulus bill is going to appropriate 116 Billion dollars toward education to give our children all the opportunities for success that they could possibly need. The dollars will set academic standards with No Child Left Behind, K-12, our public schools will be modernized and Pell Grant amounts will be boosted. There will even be 2.1 billion allocated for Head Start, a government run program, which prepares small children for school by enhancing their social and cognitive development. Head Start provides with our tax dollars, educational, health, nutritional and social services to children who qualify for the program. All these efforts will insure that the children who benefit from these subsidies will someday be able to make the massive amounts of tax dollars needed to shoulder the over whelming expense of these same programs. So it all evens out in the end. We don’t want to hear any whining, the children will be more than able to pay for all these things. We need to disregard the fact that these initiatives were supposedly instituted in hopes of alleviating future financial encumbrances in underprivileged children’s lives.

If our children should decide it’s not adventitious to prosper because of the overwhelming tax weight, which may make it more conducive to avoid being a tax payer, not to worry because the stimulus bill is presently putting into place welfare programs which make up 35% of the total package. So if all else fails and our habitually lazy offspring decide they’d rather stay home and play Wii or maybe play handball at one of the parks that they will be paying 2.5 billion for, it won’t matter because being a low income person our children, louts and sluggards that they are can now freely join the corps of the “Millions of Americans who don’t make enough money to pay federal income taxes[and] could file returns…and receive checks.” What could be better?

So our nation needs to take a corporate deep breath, relax and just accept the stimulus bill that, “…will affect us all directly for years, as well as our children and possibly grandchildren. Even if it succeeds in producing enough jobs and consumer and business spending to end the recession, it could lead to a combination of higher taxes, higher interest rates and possibly reduced government services down the road.” We need to acknowledge that this bill serves a double purpose, one of which is to teach a lesson children have needed down through the ages, which is that you don’t get something for nothing.

This is our golden opportunity to be the selfish, self-centered, irresponsible children we’ve always longed to be ourselves. We can do this by ushering in a national Nanny state that will nurse its citizen base at its teats like a wet nurse full to bursting with overextended debt. While we greedily suckle away the ones who are presently nursing at their mother’s breasts are the ones who will ultimately suffer its most devastating effects. While we view them as being the immature, inexperienced ones in need of a lesson, it will be our children and their children who will follow who will be ultimately responsible for saving a nation whose future was squandered by parents and grandparents who accepted a “Change” that very nearly ended up being their nation’s demise.

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