Mumia Abu-Jamal supporter Susan Sarandon, Hanoi Jane and Sigourney Weaver, mother to an endoparasitoid extraterrestrial baby, are featured in an upcoming controversial V Magazine issue entitled “Who Cares about Age.” To be honest, even for a Granny, liberal women with Percelona-resistant age spots vamping it up in a glossy magazine is an extremely disturbing assault on the senses.
V Magazine mistakenly refers to the three pinko-leaning ladies as “golden girls.” The magazine takes the word sexagenarian literally because as far as V is concerned, being the female version of an old codger does not relegate an old lady to the granny-panties section of the lingerie department.
In fact, at V Magazine it’s even sexier to be an aging anti-American loud mouth. Featured in the antediluvian issue is one well-known traitor, a supporter of Revolutionary Communist Party-led groups, and a third woman admittedly “incensed by Sarah Palin.”
V views its publication in the following way: “A place where uptown meets downtown, celebrities mingle with total unknowns, high art converses with underground culture. Chic, wacky, fun, fabulous…in a letter: V.”
Someone should inform the glistening magazine that no amount of makeup, laminates, hair dye or hype erases the fact that the women featured in the aging-radical issue are anything but seductive.
Jane Fonda aka Hanoi Jane is airbrushed and coated with a full layer of putty. The woman who gleefully posed laughing it up with the North Vietnamese Army, steel pot on her head, sitting in the seat of an anti-aircraft gun, at 72 has outgrown sexagenarian status and is now officially a septuagenarian.
Photographed “draping her famous body over a table,” Jane’s derriere is in the air, wrapped in a skintight leopard jump suit. Ms. Fonda is being labeled a “pin up,” which applies because recently Jane admitted to having some saggy skin pinned up behind her ears.
Then there is Susan Sarandon, the woman who supports cop killer/Black Panther Mumia Abu-Jamal, sentenced to death for murdering Philadelphia Police Officer Daniel Faulkner at a routine traffic stop. No amount of 17th century dark tress wiggery, bare shoulders and smoky eye shadow can mask the sinister side of a pro-choice, pro-gay/lesbian/transgender lifestyle, radical left-winger.
The last living legend featured in the V issue is Avatar/Alien Sigourney Weaver. Weaver is a fish-loving liberal. The aquatically inclined Sigourney recently lamented, “I am worried about our fish in the ocean. I love fish. I try not to eat it now because I’m so worried that the populations are being decimated.”
Oddly angular and hair-free in a baseball cap, Ms. Weaver, as well as Susie and Jane are photographed in wrinkle-friendly black and white. Famous for playing chimp lover Dian Fossey, Sigourney is also renowned for emphatically insisting there is nothing salmon fisherman Sarah Palin does, other than wear a skirt, that represents “feminist icons“/Obama Clean Air and Water Act supporters like Sigourney Weaver.
In addition to posing for pictures, post-menopausal feminist-free bird activists/radical enemies of the United States in combat boots have suddenly turned to giving beauty advice to nursing home residents. Sarandon is “very happy to be 64,” doesn’t “want to be 20” and is “much more comfortable” in loose-fitting skin. Slathered in skin tightening cream, wearing a wig to hide gray thinning hair, Susan, shot through a lens smeared with three layers of Vaseline, insists “Life is too short to be constantly worrying about looks.”
Sigourney, “Remembering herself as the child… bullied at school for being what she describes as ‘a too-tall beanpole,'” said the following: “I yearned to be the pretty one.” At 61, Weaver has transformed from a rangy recluse into a moth-eaten self-assured sage, saying “If you’re upset with how you look at 25, life’s going to be tough.”
Fonda claims that “being older has made her a much happier and relaxed person.” In fact, sprawling across a table at 72 is not for relaxation, from exhaustion, or a public service message to remind seniors to get an annual sigmoidoscopy, but to prove to the world that being eight-years-shy-of-eighty does not mean a Grandma can’t be a crusty centerfold too.
Jane maintains that senescent “people tend to have less hostility, they have less negative emotions. They tend to see things from both sides.” Being seen from both sides is exactly the reason Geritol Jane made friends with the Viet Cong in her twenties and abused an unsuspecting table in her seventies.
Acting as spokeswoman for the three unsexy seniors, Jane Fonda said “I love being productive. I’m never bored. I’m always coming up with new things… I always want to exteriorize what’s going on inside of me.” Desire to exteriorize may have contributed to the sudden bout of age onset dementia that Susan, Jane and Sigourney simultaneously experienced, causing three ripened actresses to agree to dress up for V Magazine on Thanksgiving, convinced the whole time it was still Halloween.