Trump asks ‘Where’s the Beef?!”

It’s undeniable that Donald Trump has bad hair and a huge ego, and if given a choice I’d prefer he stay in Trump Towers versus 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. But then again, I did say that in lieu of Obama, I’d even take Knucklehead Smiff.

Nevertheless, hair, ego, and a tawdry Marla Maples affair aside, Donald is a gutsy, smart and successful business entrepreneur and quite entertaining to boot.  Who doesn’t love watching those squinty eyes peer out from under a lemon yellow pompadour and those pouty lips say with full confidence and authority: “You’re fired?”  When Donald utters those words he embodies the type of assured leadership America hasn’t seen a glimmer of since the start of the 4-year endurance test proctored by man-child extraordinaire, Barack Obama.

The Donald sponsors beauty pageants, owns prime Manhattan real estate, and had the testicular fortitude to take on Attila the Bully Rosie O’Donnell.  Trump is fair and willing to give those with latent potential a chance, which is the premise of his NBC show “The Apprentice.” Donald never supported Knucklehead…I mean Barack.  Good thing because half way into the first season seems Barack the Beginner has turned out to be quite the tyro.

While the left-wing media have sat idly by, Trump gave the world’s most inept ‘apprentice’ time to prove his mettle.  However, time’s up, and like a frustrated employer attempting to squeeze an ounce of productivity out of a bungling new hire, Donald has decided that it’s way past time to start addressing the first in a long list employment issues.

Three years and 1,000 unanswered questions later, on behalf of America, Trump has beckoned Barack to the conference room for a post-hire interview.

Donald has voluntarily placed himself in charge of interrogating this employee for a job he appears unqualified to do, and the first inquiry on the list is a vital one.  In fact, it’s so vital Trump has decided he’s not moving off the subject until he gets a satisfactory answer.  So far, the new guy hasn’t come up with a thing.

Let’s face it – no one markets a brand better than The Donald.  Trump’s current venture is to convince America he’s better qualified to lead the nation than demonstrably raw recruit Barack Obama.  To prove the point, Trump has initiated a very public discussion with a pointed question.  The slogan “Where’s the birth certificate?!” is as fitting for Trump’s 2012 presidential bid as “Where’s the beef?!” was in 1984 when Wendy’s® became a household name.

This may explain why The Donald is following in the footsteps of a patriotic individual with the same level of curiosity he himself exhibits when seeking answers to important questions – not to mention a strangely similar hairdo. Nevertheless, it seems that whenever Trump presses the question: “Where’s the birth certificate?!” a measure of nostalgic emulation is injected into the birther debate reminiscent of a relentless inquisitor better known as the “Where’s the Beef?!” lady.


It seems Trump feels that if there’s no beef on the fluffy bun, i.e., no birth certificate, it’s simple – the applicant should be shown the door.  Donald is making it clear that if the initial question remains unanswered or if Constitutional credentials fail to be submitted, the interview is over and Obama should be politely escorted back to Presidential quarters to gather his personal belongings and shown the elevator to the street, where a checkered cab waits to ferry him back to Chicago.

So, while the media continues to fuss over an oversized Barack Bun, all fluff and no meat, Trump has set himself up as America’s newfangled “Where’s the beef?” spokesperson. America was served up “a lot less beef on a lot of bun” by a Presidential ‘Apprentice’ who may very soon hear the words: “You’re fired.” In the meantime, before asking “Why’s the bun so big and the pickle so small?” and other pertinent inquiries, Donald Trump is first demanding an answer to one simple question: “Where’s the birth certificate?”

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