Obama’s Bevy of Latina Lovelies

Originally posted at Taki’s Mag

Does Barack Obama have a thing for Latina chicks or what? First there was the famous salsa at Fiesta Latina at the White House with Mexican singer/actress Thalia. The usually cool Obama got so heated up you could almost see the steam rising as he danced his way back to his seat. The president cooled off instantly once he sat down, because that little spin around the room with a sexy diva didn’t exactly impress Michelle, who gave “Mr. Macho” her familiar cold, hard stare.

Nevertheless, when Barack decided it was time to put immigration reform on the table, a trio of Latina lovelies was called in to advise him. Screw Sheriff Joe Arpaio—who needs him? The list of experts included Eva Longoria, the Mexican-American actress born precariously close to the Mexican border in Corpus Christi, TX; Puerto Rican/Afro-Cuban Rosario Dawson; and Honduran America Ferrera.

Eva defined the meeting as a “brainstorming” session where “influential” persons in the media such as herself joined together with Obama to discuss the complex issues of immigration reform, the imminent need to pass the Dream Act, and making politicians who don’t support his immigration views “pay” in 2012.

Eva, who can barely keep her own avocados under control, told an intimate group of reporters that she is integral to what she calls the “conversation” and is a key advisor in helping “reframe the immigration argument” and tie up loose ends with the guacamole-loving Mr. Macho.

For President Obama it’s never all work and no play. When it’s time to throw a Super Bowl party, who better for the president to share his kielbasa with than football fan Jennifer Lopez? Thus far, the president hasn’t recruited the ex-Mrs. Marc Anthony to be part of his immigration/border security consultative board, but that’s probably because she’s too busy judging the new season of American Idol, leaving no time to advise washed-up American idols.

While J.Lo is otherwise occupied, the president has a bevy of Latina experts from whom to draw advice. For instance, Barack Obama is so invested in cultivating children as future Democrat voters that out of all the nation’s Hispanic educators, the best and most qualified representative is apparently the belly-dancing, hips-don’t-lie Shakira Isabel Mebarak Ripoll.

Along with border security expert Eva Longoria, Colombian pop sensation Shakira was one of those who “met with the president in the Oval Office.” One can be sure that Ms. Shakira shimmied her way into the president’s presence loaded with knowledgeable insights that complemented the other Latina salsa-dancing/border-security/immigration-reform experts who were also there “brainstorming” with the world’s most powerful man.

Shakira, known for educational songs such as “Underneath Your Clothes” and “She Wolf,” has been tapped to expand her humanitarian work beyond the borders of the Barefoot Foundation—an “education-focused” organization she founded in 1995—and will embrace the president’s Advisory Commission on Educational Excellence for Hispanics.

Trevor Neilson, Shakira’s “philanthropic adviser,” spoke on behalf of the woman who sings about her “Oral Fixation,” saying “Shakira considers this a profound honor and responsibility and is thrilled to be able to use her experience to help the president and commission in some small way.”

Besides teaching young barefoot girls how to writhe rhythmically in time to seductive music, Shakira has “educated more than 6,000 kids in her schools in Colombia” and believes deeply that unlike her own “assets,” which even she admits are “small and humble” and not to be confused with mountains, “Latino children are one of America’s greatest assets.”

Shakira is convinced that Latino children are capable of doing “incredible things for our country,” such as one day teaching other children to pole-dance in a bikini like she does, but only “if we ensure they have access to quality education” from wonderful Obama-appointed role models such as herself.

In the past, being the so-called Ugly Betty or the only Latina desperate housewife on television was enough to become a presidential advisor. However, add belly-dancing and running around in the shower in a wet négligée to an already ample set of credentials, and it’s easy to understand why Shakira, who performed for Obama’s inauguration, was a top contender for a position on the president’s education council.

Meanwhile, Latino celebrities such as Edward James Olmos and Marc Anthony, although potentially just as valuable to the president’s close circle of brilliant advisors, thus far have not held any press conferences or been featured as key participants in the conversation.

In the future, perhaps Barack Obama can further resolve the nation’s immigration-related problems by expanding his own borders to include additional well-qualified Hispanic political advisors such as Arizona immigration law critic Jessica Alba, former illegal immigrant Salma Hayek, and family immigration/deportation expert Sofia Vergara.

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