Dead Fish and Roses

Yesterday, the President of the United States took a page from the book of Rahm Emmanuel and brought a dead fish with a rose in its mouth to his meeting with state officials and tossed it to the representatives of the states who will be receiving funds from his $787 billion economic stimulus program.    Obama told the quivering state officials, “…spend the money wisely…or else.” He stressed with great authority not to be misunderstood, “If we see money being misspent, we’re going to put a stop to it.”

What’s he going to do, loosen up some predicates or revoke the RICO laws and make a marriage with labor union leaders to oversee the state officials on how they spend the funds? Will he employ a band of Young Turks to be assigned to each state to check to see how and what the money is being spent on? I guess so, because he cautioned state officials like they were a detention hall full of misbehaved juvenile delinquents, “…six months from now if the verdict on this effort is that we’ve wasted the money, we built things that were unnecessary or we’ve done things that are legal but make no sense, then folks…” —Then folks what? Will there be hell to pay?

I would like to remind the Capo di tutti capi-in-Chief that there are “ways” to get the job done.  For instance there is always the severed goat’s head that can be employed to jolt the Governors and state officials back on track if after three months things are being built or money spent on ventures that his babbo, Joe Biden might deem “unnecessary”. If that doesn’t work I’m sure some of the old school labor union bosses would be more than willing to comply with slitting a couple of lamb’s throats on behalf of the stimulus rules, to make sure the “…or else” message really hits home before the six month limit is up.

I’m sure if someone dares to break the code and does the unconscionable there is always the old tire iron to the knee caps that can be counted on to drive the message home . What’s the President going to do, send out Rahm Emmanuel and David Axelrod to deliver some, “…offers that cannot be refused?” Let’s not forget the ball peen hammer knuckle rap to do the trick if Obama’s “stern language” isn’t heeded by those in Wednesday’s “gasping” audience.  All those who spent the day being “schooled on how to make the massive spending program work” had the message endorsed by a roomful of  enforcers, gum chewing men, dressed in black, wearing sunglasses and sporting large, over-sized lumps under one side of their jackets .  The same group of men kept silently pointing to their both their eyes with two fingers in a “V” and then pointing the same two fingers back toward the audience over- and-over again.

What is the plan? Are the lion share of those 3.5 million new jobs Barry’s promising going to union workers? Obama’s concern for the Unions has been evident and what better way, “…to level the playing field for workers and the unions that represent their interests,” then by employing them in his new tough guy initiative “Keeping the States Honest”? He can remind them that, “he does not view the labor movement as part of the problem…its part of the solution.” Mixing in a little Chicago would help. Obama can give ex-Governor Rod Blagojevich a special dispensation to work with the Illinois labor workers until they are fully confident that the spending regulations are being adhered to?

What an opportunity to set the labor unions apart from the lobbyists! Barack can send out work teams to insure that each every one of his unyielding warnings are heed by the recipients of his grandiose governmental generosity. If any suspicious activity is taking place the President can encourage his enforcers to do whatever is necessary to make sure his will be done, “I want you to talk with them…I want you to argue with them and get in their face…You are my ambassadors.” The President can give them permission to, “…remind them that if spending gets out of hand…things are going to get ugly!’

If President Obama wants to “make sure that every single dollar is well spent”, he can set up empty warehouses all across America. Each furnished with miles and miles of tables, light bulbs hanging by single electrical wires over piles of one dollar bills. What’s he going to do have union thugs, I mean his representatives, supervise the counting and spending of each and “every single dollar?” Maybe he can even strong arm Mafia accountant, Stephen Corso to keep the books.

Joe Biden missed a perfect opportunity to live up to his tough guy reputation. With a little forethought he could have continued to smile like the Joker and have had the Cement and Concrete Workers of New York City Laborers’  as a back drop to his, “ no swimming pools in this money…or else” exhortation! Immediately following, “nobody messes with Joe” the cement and concrete workers could have explained how, on occasion, when installing new patios and in ground pools, they have discovered bodies and skeletons. In fact, Joe’s “little hint” could have had a lot more impact if they would have agreed to give a short Power point presentation explaining how many of the decayed corpses have been there for many years without ever being found. At the “day of schooling” a short lesson wouldn’t have gone to waste on the whereabouts of Jimmy Hoffa and could have been included in the round table discussion sessions.

Beforehand it appears as if two Governors obviously made an preemptive effort to reassure the President and his posse of their compliance. For example, it appears as if over some Carlo and Rossi wine and a cigar New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson pledged that he could insure that all transportation expenditures would personally overseen by him. A representative for Florida Governor Charlie Crist headed the problem off at the pass by pulling aside Rahm Emmanuel, who has a habit of cleaning his teeth with a switchblade, convincing him that they, “…already have a lot of swimming pools in Florida?” In an effort to make sure Emmanuel understood his sincerity, what did Crist’s representative do, promise to lay off all pool workers and ask them to immediately evacuate the state?

Obama really should have had an, “…or else” wall of shame as the milieu, in the same fashion as they do with DWI offenders, for his informational, paparazzi packed, I yield the billyclub session. The threat of being exposed is a powerful tool to keep Governors and state officials well within the spending boundaries and “regulations…outlining what stimulus money cannot be spent on.” There would be little need for follow-up if a wall of shame was erected in place of a flag, two large union workers on either side of the plinth, one slowly tapping a tire iron against his empty hand, the other with tattooed, testosterone pumped biceps folded at his waist. All the while the President could have driven home the point, “If wasteful spending is found, we will call it out and we will publicize it”, specifying clearly that it would not be in the same edition of Vogue or Oprah, both of which featured the First Lady on their cover this month in very judiciously purchased designer clothes.

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