Did Hugo Chávez Pick the New Pope?
As if you could get Jesus in the same room with him.
Employing The Mark Kelly Method
The same applies to Larry Craig, of airport men’s room wide stance/foot-tapping fame. Upon his arrest at Minneapolis-Saint Paul International Airport, Larry could have explained to the undercover cop that he wasn’t seeking to engage in lewd behavior, he was just attempting to demonstrate how easy it would be toengage in lewd behavior.
Teaching Rapists Not to Rape
Nonetheless, what Democratic Strategist Zerlina Maxwell seemed to be inferring was that, rather than train women to responsibly handle firearms as a means of personal protection, it would be preferable to “train” potential rapists, at least when it comes to women, to choose a kinder, gentler life path.
Pretend-gun Fingers and Plop-Tarts
And no, ‘Plop-Tarts’ is not misspelled!
Nuking Hugo
Either way, one thing is for sure: Iran’s president believes Hugo Chávez’s stature is such that he’ll be returning on “resurrection day” with religious figures Mahmoud believes are Islam’s allies — even if they’re not.
Hollyweirdos Mourn the Death of a Dictator
Upon learning of ‘commandante’ Chávez’s demise, Penn was quoted as saying “Today the people of the United States lost a friend it never knew it had. And poor people around the world lost a champion.” Evidently, the Academy Award winner is unaware that the American people already have someone implementing “socialism for the 21st Century.”
Socialized Medicine Even Kills Socialists
Yet, even after all that, Chávez insisted on going back to Cuba for a third surgery. That type of allegiance can only be likened to Americans going through a disastrous first term with Barack Obama and then, rather than refusing further treatment, inviting the Mad Dr. O to continue administering high doses of the wrong medicine for another four years.
Seizing Hairdryers and Emancipating Aliens
The truth is, the illegal immigration issue is not so cut and dried, because although it was easy to walk 2,000 guns across the border, it would be impossible to walk 2,000 immigrants back across the border in the same direction from whence came “Fast and Furious” gun walkers.
The Terror Threat from Pop-Tarts and Hello Kitty
A burgeoning artiste starts out wanting to nibble a mountain into existence and suddenly, with a badly planned bite here or there, what started out as a peaceful depiction of nature suddenly turns into a strawberry-filled weapon.
The Butcher of Germantown Strikes Again
For years to come, memories of Jennifer McKenna-Morbelli will be evoked, but not for her smile or “living every day to the fullest.” Instead, young Jennifer will be remembered as yet another woman who died at the hands of late-term abortionist Dr. LeRoy Carhart – a woman who lost her own life as a result of subjecting her unborn daughter to a brutal death for the sin of being imperfect.